夢じゃない何か | Yume janai Nanika (novel)

Based on the song from the album En.

I have a very important person.
Important is a massive understatement, but a more succinct way of putting it is, I don’t know what my life would be like without her.
I don’t care if she likes me or not, in fact, I don’t care either way.
All I need is the fact that I myself like her, care about her, and want to stay by her side. I’m selfish. Even if she doesn’t like me, I’m happy enough to know that I can feel like this. Therefore, her feelings are very insignificant in front of my happiness.
There’s no end to the things I could say if I start talking about “whaf if”, but if I had been a decent person, or if her position hadn’t been a shrine maiden, or any of those things, big or small, was small, we might not have met, and we might not have been able to have this relationship. I don’t want to use the word “fate” somehow because I know someone who can manipulate it. I would like to say that all of them are tied together by “bond”. Maybe it’s just a play on words, but I think these things are all about feelings.
I’m an ordinary human who can use magic. She’s a human too, but her position in Gensokyo and her existence on the line in history are different. There will be times when the weight of the situation is unbearable. There will be times when you will be troubled and your fundamental thoughts will waver. But since she doesn’t show that kind of face, everything is just my imagination.
That’s why I want to be as strong as her and stand with my feet firmly on the ground. I want to be able to say with confidence that I’m here to help. For some time or another, this idea had taken root in my core. I’m not going to walk behind her, I’m going to be strong enough to fight her back to back. That became my goal.
I said I’m an ordinary human, but years from now, if I change my mind, maybe I won’t be human anymore. I’m proud to be a human now, but when I’ll be close to death, I might get scared and extend my life. Then I’ll take care of her death properly. I would shed tears, say thank you, and laugh.
This feeling is not romantic love. Maybe it’s affection, but I don’t know what it is. One thing I do know is that when I think about this kind of thing, my heart feels warm somehow.
As I was thinking about this in a daze, I got interrupted by her next to me.
“…what are you smiling about? I have a bad feeling”
We were at the shrine’s veranda. In the beautiful spring weather, I drink the green tea Reimu brewed in my own teacup. Mmm, it’s good.
“No no, it’s nothing. It’s nice and hot”
“Did your brain get hot?”
She doesn’t hesitate to use rude language. It was too much the same as usual. I smiled without thoughts and looked up at the hazy, hazy sky. The blue sky was becoming a bit cloudy. The view from here is much the same. Reimu is next to me, and she is next to me.
“Well, I’m naturally hot-brained”
“Oh, you’re pretty straightforward for Marisa”
I wonder if it’s going to rain – Reimu laughs.
“Aaaa, we have free time. I hope an incident doesn’t happen”
“I’ll have to solve it. I hate it.”
“Is it okay if only myself tries to solve it?”
I worked hard to reduce Reimu’s burden as much as I could, and I became able to do most things alone. I can even resolve incidents. Nowadays, other people are trying to resolve incidents, so there’s no such thing as the two of us physically fighting back to back, though.
Reimu smiled and said.
“I don’t know if you can handle it alone. I’d feel a lot better if I was with you”
A lukewarm breeze blew and shook her long black hair. The words I hadn’t expected to hear made me happy.
“…oh, you face is getting hot”
“…thank you”
“? I don’t understand, but you’re welcome.”
Something important, and that warms my heart. It must be a miracle that I was able to find it in this limitless world.
I hope I can continue to keep it in my heart for a long time, without any blur.