“Let’s talk about Paprika” [Fanbox blog post, 01/02/2021]

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Original post [free to read]

A translation of The Sis’ newest blog post, where she talked about Paprika.

Ranko no Ane here.

I’ve been writing every day, so I think I may have gotten out of the Twitter syntax habit. I’m glad.

The other day I was looking at a mental health board (read-only).
I found a post that said, “Cut it out. Sentences are getting longer and longer, it’s a common thing with ADHD, you should be aware of it.” I… I… I carved these words deeply into my heart…

Today’s article will probably take me a lot of time to write.
It’s about something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.
Also, I think it will be a bit long. Forgive me.

Let’s talk about Paprika.

The other day, after a long time, I received a handwritten letter from someone who is the type of person who comes to our gigs.
It made me very happy.

One of the sentences was, “I still haven’t accepted the fact that Paprika is not here.”
It’s a strange coincidence that I still feel like that, to be honest.

To summarize, her departure was due to her wish to pursue a different musical style in a different place, and we have no objection to that.
I had phone called her before for something, but she seemed to be quite busy with production and such.

I’m going to tell you a quick story now.

The other day, someone I trust told me, “There seems to be a rumor spreading that the reason Paprika didn’t suddenly appear at Flowering Night 2020 was because of a fee dispute…” Well, that’s what I heard.
This is what I mean when I say it’s a groundless rumor… I was surprised to hear something I didn’t expect to hear.
No no, (ヾノ・∀・`)ナイナイ it wasn’t financial trouble and it wasn’t relationship-related.
As they say, there’s no smoke without fire. That’s not true.

We played this song for the first time at Flowering Night 2020.
I’m glad we did it.
I’m more than happy as a creator and performer if the people who have come to our live shows and welcomed our CDs don’t forget that “everyone was here”.
However, we are human beings, and frankly, we can forget.
If you can get people to think, even for a moment, “I’ll never forget” that’s enough to earn virtue points for both parties.

Indeed, the timing of her preparations for the change in her life was accelerated, which itself led to a very different progression from the one we had initially announced, and I honestly felt sorry for everyone for that.

These are difficult times for live music… Sales events are difficult… Transportations are difficult… The times and the times go hand in hand… Anyway, that’s how it turned out.
I’m sorry that I’ve given you so much to think about.
But I want to tell you, it’s nobody’s fault!

I won’t dig too deep into the topic because it’s a current one and a type of genre where diversity goes bang, but…
I support the decisions of many people as much as I can.
Even if what you think is different from what I think, the anguish that leads to it… Anyway, it really takes courage to do anything nowadays.
I support your bravery.

We have to do it individually on our own accord.

Well, apart from that, I’ve been feeling kind of… I’ve been depressed for a while.
The four became three. It’s not that I was depressed because of that simple loss…
I couldn’t even verbalize why I was depressed, and along with that, my stomach hurt (which quickly turned into stomach aches), I didn’t want to draw, and other depressing moments that lasted for several months last year.

There’s a line in the manga “Bokunchi (My Home)” that I like.

The little brother said to the tough lady who was smiling even though she had just been through something very painful, “Sis, you’re wasting your time being in the middle, you need to either cry or laugh.”

In today’s world, this is really difficult. A world with too little contrast. This is where we live now.

Then, one day, after a long period of uneventful days, I had a dream.
It was the kind of dream that you remember very clearly even after you wake up.

It was a dream about Paprika’s farewell concert.
It wasn’t a complicated one of today’s world, but an old, normal one…
Of course, if the world wasn’t like this, we would have done it, that’s what we were planning to do.

So I wasn’t standing on the stage, but I was walking around among the audience (I wonder what kind of expression this person who comes here often has… Oh, he’s crying. This person is smiling a little. This one has a very nice expression with the scenery etched in his mind.), looking at each one of them (Hey, how do you feel? How do you feel right now?) with a face like a yaruo.

I was on the floor, not on the stage, and kept looking around at the audience.

And you know what?
I simply wanted a normal sales event where there are lots of people… A farewell live, if possible… I really wanted to see what everyone who came to the event would look like at that moment.

I wanted a chance to say a proper goodbye in person.
Normally, we would have done that. But we couldn’t.
It was frustrating.
We’ve been together for 10 years.
The people who have been coming to our concerts for a long time have been coming for more than 10 years.
Also, all the circles and staff that she got to know through BUTAOTOME… I wish she had a chance to say hello to them.
Friend… I don’t know if I’d call you that, but you’re a great acquaintance. We’ve known each other for a long time.

I can’t do this kind of thing on her behalf, but I dare to write about it.
She is a very shy person (seriously), so she may not have said much, but she was always grateful to everyone.

To be more specific, people who have been supporting us for a very long time, people who have only bought one CD, people who have been going to live concerts for about two years… We’ve been doing this activity together with all of you.
We can’t do anything without people. We’re ultra powerless.

Anyway, we found out what was bothering us privately, and we don’t even know what we’re going to do this year. But we’ve planted a little seed of motivation to get on with it.

What will people think when they see this post?

We are acquaintances with Pap, so we can eventually meet her if we contact her, but it’s not the same thing.

I liked “Paprika of BUTAOTOME”.
I hope I was able to take good care of her.
I’m a person with many shortages, so I’m sure I caused a lot of trouble in places you couldn’t see.

Anyway, I don’t dare to show her this today, but thank you again for your hard work.
Thank you.

It was exactly one year ago today that she first spoke about leaving the group.
It took me a year to be able to put this into words like this.

Time flows inexorably, and no one can stay the same forever.
Sometimes we get tired and take a break, sometimes we change our direction.

But I will always respect those who are brave.

Today’s ED song: “Kyouzon” by BUTAOTOME.

Please feel free to leave a comment.
I’ll read them all properly.

Ranko no Ane